So....I'm reviving my blog....Oh yeah...I have ADHD

It is well over due. I haven't blogged in almost a year. What's wrong with me? Well....I guess I've been busy.

So here's the update....I love my job, I love my wife, I love my car, I love my friends, I love music, I love my future.....no, I'm not on drugs! In fact, I might be the most sober I've been in a while.

I've been diagnosed with ADHD which has been a blessing and a curse. While I am starting to understand my "illness" at the same time it is frustrating to deal with reality. I've spent so long self medicating (alcohol, pot, and other things.....) I'm just beginning to know myself again as a sober person. At the same time, the medication I am taking alters me in a way that I am not yet used to. I am from time to time a bit more moody than I have been. Most people know me as a chill nice guy....but recently my alter ego....the dick....has returned. I haven't been like this (the dick) since high school....well, maybe college. I'm trying to mute this personality, but it is hard. I say things that I wouldn't have said 6 months ago but....I actually mean them. That is the hard part. When I think about it....I don't want to take it back. I mean what I say. I guess I've stopped editing myself.

Have I been a wimp for the past few years? I'm not sure. That is the hardest thing for me. The more I am focused and "aware" of what I'm doing the more I seem to be an asshole. Is this the real me? Maybe it'll pass. I think the best thing about this whole situation is that I am aware of my behavior.

I'm not proud of myself all of the time but, I know what I'm saying. Maybe, I just have some more adjusting to do. The medication helps me work and concentrate better than I ever have. Is it worth it? I'm not sure yet. I think that it will be in the long run.

Since I started the medication, I haven't had much of a sex drive. That's weird for me. I have been, in the past, one of the most horny MF's I've ever known. I know my wife has noticed this ;however, she hasn't said anything. It is getting better though. Along with the other side effects. I'm not crashing as hard as I used to. The good things though:

1. I can work like a mother fucker (my company must be psyched!)
   
2. I don't feel the need to leave work at 6-7PM and down a bottle of wine every night (was doing that daily)
   
3. I don't feel the need to do other drugs (I used to want to party every weekend....)
4. I don't forget shit like I used to (this is a little annoying since my wife still thinks I can't remember shit.....so she's always reminding me of tasks which I totally can deal with now...it'll get better over time)
   

I'm sure I'll change some more. I'm just not sure yet who I'll be.

In a way, I'm very happy about my progress. I'm also sad....to see my former self go. I like my new self though. I'm not such a pain in the ass to so many people. I don't interrupt everyone when I'm talking to them. I listen to what people have to say. I like that. I like people and I'm interested in them. I also like being more productive. I feel that I have a lot to offer and that I'm finally starting to pull my weight.

Well......this is just the beginning of more blogs and more revelations. I hope all of my friends and family are happy and healthy. Thank you all for being so patient with me.

Soon to come.....stories of Ferrari test drives, Porsche's going sideways around corners, sick drumming, and Search Engine Optimization (SEO). I'm back Jack!